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Token Okie: Who is next in line for the Thunder?

Token Okie: Who is next in line for the Thunder?

For the first time in Oklahoma City’s NBA history, it appears the season could start without a player with obvious Oklahoma connections in the home locker room at the Ford Center. With Etan Thomas’ departure, the Desmond Mason Memorial Token Okie Roster Spot is unfilled.

I think we can handle it. People seem to be excited about the team for some reason despite the dearth of Oklahomans.

Still, the Thunder values its local connections and I could see the team making a move to bring a local player downtown. We’re talking about someone at the end of the bench anyway. Thomas, for example, played as much as you and I did for three solid months last season. Let’s explore unsigned options.

Chuck Norris, Ryan

Yes. Ryan, Okla. Where else would he be born? Come home, Chuck. Come home and help us beat the Lakers.

I heard he wears Sam Presti pajamas to bed.

Gary England, Seiling/News9

You’re aware the meat of the playoffs is in May, right? The month synonymous with tornadoes ’round these parts? Can you possibly think of a man better suited to guide the team through this treacherous stretch? Get me the most beloved television weatherman in the Oklahoma City viewing area.

Gary will be keeping the team advised at all times. The man who can calm any Oklahoman in a storm will be right there in the huddle, communicating also with the weather gods and pushing all storms south through Moore. And he’ll be off the airwaves, forcing the opposition to rely on lesser weathermen for information and playing scared.

Barry Switzer, OU

Who doesn’t get along with the Switz? A lot has  been said about not screwing up the Thunder’s chemistry. Do you really  think Switzer would be no fun in the card games on the team charter?

He’s  got a championship legacy. He still lives close by. He gets big  ovations on the scoreboard at home games when he shows up. No reason why  not to keep him around more often anyway. He’s like the affable regular  at the bar who buys you drinks and has cool stories.

Carrie Underwood,  Checotah

Give me one  good reason why she shouldn’t be in the Ford Center a  minimum of 43  nights a year.

Brad  Pitt, Shawnee

See above, but as a shoutout to the female   readers.

Sen. James Inhofe, R-Oklahoma

He’s the master of earmarks. He brings home the bacon. Can you imagine what he could do to swell the Thunder payroll?

Inhofe makes no bones about getting money sent to Oklahoma from the federal government. Let’s get him started sending money to the Thunder somehow. No need to worry about spending or the luxury tax or anything else, we’ll just dip in the taxpayer well and sign whoever we need, and do it again to cover up mistakes. Can you imagine Sam Presti with an unlimited budget?

Taylor Griffin, Oklahoma City/OU, or John Lucas III, OSU

As players with NBA experience who have a legitimate shot at making an NBA camp, they have no place on this list.

Jason White, Tuttle/OU

I sort of feel sorry for Jason White now that Sam Bradford came along. No one really cares about him anymore, and he didn’t get drafted at all, much less go No. 1 overall like Bradford. I was coming out of a movie late one night at the mall the week before Christmas and saw him stocking shelves at his Bedlam store and realized there was no way in hell I’d ever see Bradford doing that within six years of winning the Heisman.

Let’s get him the year of riding the bench in the pros we always knew he deserved.

Hinder, Oklahoma City

So we could throw rocks at them during halftime.

Who else?