2 min read

The Side Part: Spaceman

The Side Part: Spaceman

Jerami Grant is made with bits of moon. I half believe at some point this season he’ll make one of those old Powerade commercials come to life. The ones where somebody throws a football out of a stadium and it looks real. LeBron had that one where he was casually hitting 90 footers. It was accompanied by a very white guy saying, “That’s amazing.”

I don’t know what it will look like. Grant might just, in the middle of a possession, jump on top of the backboard to get a better sense of his surroundings. I don’t think it’s out of the question that during the flow of the game, for no reason other than to get some fresh air, he sprouts wings and flies up and out of the gym for a little while. One night he might dunk the thing so hard the ball goes through the floor and just keeps on traveling until it bursts through that WB sign and makes it to Looney Tune Land.

Did you know his first name is Houston? Jerami is his middle name. Did you know his siblings are named Jerian, Jerai, and Jaelin? Did you know his parents have a deep and wide affection for the letter J? He’s 6’8″, 21o lbs and, let me do the math really quickly, yes that’s right, it says here he must not have ever even heard of fat.

He’s shooting 41% on threes this year. He’s taken 44, which isn’t a lot, but it’s enough to start to question if this is a real, actual thing. More and more it’s become apparent that the Thunder fleeced Orlando, decided that felt good and wanted to do it again. Cue the Grant for Ilyasova trade. The night before Christmas Eve, Grant met Jonas Jerebko in the lane and got downright disrespectful.

This is a spaceman. Do yourself a favor and watch that with the volume up. I don’t know how that ball still had any air in it. I’m surprised that official didn’t explode. I’m still gathering information but I’m fairly positive, granted these are all the details I had available to me at press time, but as I understand it, Jerebko has moved to Oklahoma City and is currently spending his days cleaning the floors of Grant’s garage with a toothbrush. Grant tells him when it’s okay for him to eat, go to the bathroom, blink, speak, and fall asleep. The Celtics treat him like my family treated my cousin’s husband’s time in jail. They just don’t even talk about him anymore. Prior to this block, in Hebrew, Jonas meant Gift from God. The powers that be have changed that. Apparently now it means that stuff that’s in the corner of your eyes when you wake up. That’s the power of the spaceman.